Z's first outing

Posted By


More by this user
Published On Wednesday, March 4, 2020
This blog has been tipped 4 times

So I finally went to event. And I say finally because this is something I have been wanting to get the confidence and time to do for some months. I went along to February's pup out in London. To say the least I was really nervous. I went to the pre-meet and maybe said four words, "can I sit here?" The nerves didn't go away as I entered the venue either. I found myself bruising the back of my hand with my own nails out of stress. But I had got that far, I couldn't give up now. So I gradually took out my pup hood and placed it on. Suddenly, everything was fine.

This was the first time I had really felt myself enter the pup head space, I was largely free from all my anxieties and worries. I didn't care at all how bad I thought I looked compared to others. It didn't matter how much or how little other gear I had on (including my collar). All that I needed to do was work out who I was in this new enviroment.
I was slow out of the booth where I had place my belongings but saw some others playing in the ball pool. I gradually managed to convince myself to join in feeling a tad overwelmed by not knowing anybody but felt welcome none the less. I loved having others respond to me as another pup, small actions over words, ect. But gradually I grew tired of digging around for squeaky toys, what I really wanted to do was get comfy in the soft area.
A small amount of human dread came back as I contemplated going in as I still felt largely alone and there were other pups inside but were all in pairs cuddling. This also felt very much of a pup reaction so it didn't bother me much. I found myself wishing I had someone with me, a handler, or another pup I was close to, but eventually I took the plundge when the area emptied out a little, curled in a corner of my own and shortly after to my surprise I was met by a hand giving me strokes. It was wonderful. I was aware that the owner of the hand was primarily with a different pup and so kept my distance a little but lapped up all the attention I could get. If there was anything that broke me out of my shell completely it was this. I remember hearing the phrase, "I love pups" and thinking to myself, "I love being one." This small interaction really was just what I needed and honestly thank you to whoever that was.
The rest of the event flew by in comparison to building up to that moment, I was back and forth between being sleepy and playful. Eventually I was greeted by a human who decided to give me lots of attention, I found myself wanting to to cuddle up to them as they stroked me all over and gradually settled for curling up in and around their legs, I felt very much at home and secure. I later spoke to that human as well as some others out of my gear, was talked into telegram and just overall made to feel very welcome not just as a pup but as a person.

Honestly I was not expecting to enjoy the event as much as I did, in some ways I was kinda hoping I wouldn't so that I could just not do it again, but I had a really great time. This has raised some issue though, I now find myself wanting to go to more events like this one, but also see what other events are like. Not just that but I really want to make some pup/ handler friends that I can play with in smaller settings.
The reason that is an issue is that my partner doesn't enjoy pup play. He can't treat me as a pup because he can only see me as a person. This may change with time but in the immediate we don't really know how to respond. Being in a closed relationship we don't really want to open up, but I also don't think I could trust myself to not get overly tempted if I was playing with other pups in private, which I think I would enjoy greatly. We are discussing how to go forwards but if anyone else has had simular problems any amount of experience would be greatly apprieciated?

You must be logged in to read comments!