Hi everyone, sorry I am not to experienced on writing out blogs. I thought I might give it a try...
Today marks a pretty important day to me and I wanted to be able to share it. It's my first day back into Headspace since I had a bit of a ...heartbreak if you will. Some quick context
I was into ABDL actively for the last 9 years, going on 10. But sometime in 2016, I decided to make a pup character and through drawings and hundreads of art pieces (and mixed reactions) I finally learned that my babyfur side can be brought into the real world by the pup community. I lost friends along the way, but one in particular was in a VERY toxic relationship with me. (Often harming himself and then begging me for a sexual relationship, more on that on a moment) I finally broke free of it but the problem is this. He was in the puppy communnity too and each time I put on my hood his words would remind me. It got me sicker and sicker until I gave up, and I was not a pup anymore. Cold turkey,just like that.
i noticed in the last week however about 5 months later, that I been helping myself sleep by petting my head and whispering how much of a good dog I was. I would picture that my pillow was the chest of a handler, which I may never see. I remember sitting up and holding back tears knowing I could not waste my life just ignoring my deepest needs. My collar was collecting dust and the tag, ripped off. I took a breath and went through my drawers, found the cutest clothes I could (a pinkfong shirt and diaper) and when I picked up my collar to my neck I recall this sense of almost fear and thoughts flooding back. But a loud click that seemed to echo in my mind later, I had this dire need. This longing to rush back to the community. I found this website and after speaking with the owner, joined. I calculated next months costs, and swore that fir all of 2020, I was going to be part of this community and support it with all I had. I was going to forget and erase him from my memory and instead show that I am better than what he said I was. Weather I am a stray or not.....it's a new start. the mask goes on. The mind shuts off. I have the control.
Albert Einstein said something that always stuck with me he said "Do not ever regret what makes you happy." This does not just make me happy. This gives me an energy that I have missed. My depression was acting up amd as soon as I came back I realized how badly I needed it back...
When I am being a baby puppy I personally love the idea of being just cute as possible and being more like an emotional support dog. I stand ready to help others and I hope that one day maybe I can be with a master that will not be toxic or hurtful and instead of forcing for a sexual relationship be instead replaced by caring,hugs, and someone who isn't afraid to tuck in they're sleepy puppy at night or cradle them during a thunderstorm...
The problem still stands and I hear it many times... some of us like to have a more sexual experience (I myself like it sometimes) but there are times when we are in pup space and we don't want to lift our tails for the first who walks by. I have lost another friend when I first entered the pup community because they misunderstood and assumed that pup hoods mean I am "into bondage and therefore into whips and chains and stuff" all which is entirely untrue. The only thing I want strapped with is either in a changing table by my leash or in a tight embrace of someone caring and gentle. If I want more playful times, I will make it clear and keep good communication.
let this be a reminder and a star of hope to anyone who read this far. Your not alone. We all escape into pup space for different reasons and although we are the same than it is okay to be different too. Don't let those who don't understand push you down. Don't let them stop doing what you love and what you smile with each day. Don't let them win. I take my collar very seriously but don't be binded to relationships that bring you down. Be strong. You know who you are, and if you see that nobody can tell you different. No bully can push you down, and you can step out of any hole they try to burry you in. The only hole that is buried now is the bone of the past. If you need help know that probably more pups across earth than there is stars in the sky each have a story that is close to yours. Your never alone, and you are never lost.
you can do it