At the moment, being a single, socially difficult person in the kink scene is really starting to take its toll on me. I started off exploring with my ex partner who sadly left me in July and it's really affected me to the point of my mental health being ruined. I've come out to venture the kink scene alone, but so far I'm not getting the sense that I belong anywhere really. Going to Pup events, I feel very acknowledged as a pup but never as a human, purely for the fact I'm super cute as a pup but as a human I'm quite placid and not as cute behind the mask. I can play and enjoy myself as a pup but as soon as I have a break... I'm not as comfortable around everyone - people favour the pup over the human it seems. Going to kink events as a single, pup and trans person I find it very difficult to feel welcomed and acknowledged. I don't feel as though I fit in and that I'm not liked as a person for no reason other than my own insecurity. I don't feel as welcomed as some partnered people seem to be and they can intergrate better with others. I can't approach people and if I do I seem to be batted off. Maybe people have already found their group of friends and not wanting someone to come into that? Maybe I'm just not actually welcome as a single person in a kink space... Maybe as a pup, it's quite different to a lot of people's kinks and maybe it can be seen as 'out of the ordinary'? I don't know, but right now I don't feel I can easily step into an event and enjoy myself because of the constant worry of not fitting in or not being liked, not being good enough for certain people. Everyone seems to be quite comfortable with themselves and the others they choose to be around at these things and I just don't think I'm welcome into the comfort of their spaces. No matter how much I love making friends and really do want to make more friends within the kink community to go to different things with and explore and learn, I just don't think I can do that because everyone's so set in their ways that a new person won't fit.
Id love to be able to meet new people, build friendships, relationships and enjoy each other's company. I'd love to find a play partner that I can go with and be welcomed as a couple who will be playing and not just a single person who will most likely be lurking around because they have nothing else to do... I'd love to find a handler/owner/master/mistress who'd be proud to walk me around as their pup and show me off at events, praise me, teach me and play with me. But all that doesn't seem quite possible and I'm not sure why I'm having such difficulty with it.
There's so much I want to do but just can't as I don't feel welcome or accepted.